The thought of getting old, or older, is never a pleasant one. It just sucks! As a child, you always wanted to get older, but now that we are older the thought is sickening. We all want to be young and reckless forever, but aging is just an inevitable part of life. Changes do not happen all at once, but the realization of “aging” will become an epiphany that will probably make you *sigh*. Here are 25 signs that you are getting older.
1. You start rating your white goods appliances
Washing Machines, Dryers, Stoves, Ovens and even vacuum cleaners get a raise of an eyebrow when it’s quality. Scary to think that good white goods actually might make you more aroused than…. well….anything else.
2. Furniture stores are your forte
Furnishing your house? Well, believe me, no young person knows anything about what fabric, timber or material something is made from. The “cheaper the better” was a slogan whilst in college. But sadly this is no more.
3. Going out is a thing of the past
Leaving the house is a chore. You’re more inclined just relaxing or hosting a get together from home.
4. You don’t like places which are busy or crowded
As you get older you just can’t handle the club scene as you did when you were younger. Ironically staying home alone is a dream and you can’t have enough of it.
5. Drinking shots or even a lot is a no go.
Don’t even bother drinking too much. Your body cannot withstand the sheer volume that you used to consume. I’m not saying that you lose the tolerance, but you don’t really drink to get drunk anymore.
6. You cannot back up night after night
If you did drink lots on that odd occasion you probably won’t be backing it up with another night on the stuff that made you feel like shit in the morning. The term “hair of the dog” goes right out the window.
7. Everyone around you is getting engaged or married
The sad truth. All your single friends just disappear and you are stuck seeing your own social groups disintegrate.
8. You start adding more and more wine to your repertoire
There’s something about wine that makes you seem classier, more sophisticated and civilized. I’m not sure what it is, but as you get older the appreciation for wine increases and people start thinking themselves as connoisseurs.
9. Chores and errands are your first priorities
When you’re younger your priorities probably consisted of socializing, drinking, partying, girls, boys, and whatever else. The fun stuff essentially. Well, I have some bad news. As you get older this changes. Bills, work, errands and chores take over as your number one priority. Something called “responsibility” come into the picture.
10. You complain about the current trends
This can be just generalized as “complaining”. You recognize people older than you to be complaining about anything and everything. Well, unfortunately it’s a horrible spiral that you are probably going to get stuck in.
11. You talk about current affairs and other news
Topics like sex and drugs just disappear. Conversations which you used to talk about frequently do not exist anymore. They just turn into a memory.
12. Teenagers annoy you
There’s nothing like taking your rage out on the younger generation. This is a clear tell tale sign that you are getting older. (Probably the first one I recognized myself….. *sigh*)
13. You start a conversation with “back in my day.”
This one is a no-brainer.
14. “Dad jokes” are the only jokes you tell
Are you in your 30’s to 50’s? Have you got children? Well, you’re guaranteed that the only jokes you know and can say are the ones which are safe around the kids.
15. You heavily invest your time circling catalogs
You know when you start circling things in catalogs you are out to find a bargain. Now think about someone who does this. If you answered: mother. Don’t worry you’re not the only one, but it’s a sign that you’re getting older.
16. You can’t act ironic anymore because you are ironic
As a kid, you used to pretend that you were old. It’s just how it was and it probably got a few laughs. Well, you can’t do that when you fall into that category.
17. Ailments and death are a hot topic
Whether it’s a cough or some back pain you have to go see a doctor. The tolerance of pain isn’t quite up to scratch, your joints are stiffer and the talk of death insurance/will is something you just have to comply with.
18. Start taking more clothes than less
You start to take precautions to the weather. You lug around more clothes in the thought of a change in temperature to avoid the sniffles.
19. Anything “anti-aging” you are interested in
Much like a midlife crisis, people want to feel young again.
20. Kidnappers have no interest in you
Let’s be honest this one isn’t a bad sign. I mean it can sound like some kinky S&M situation, but I assure you that is not what I’m implying. Well unless you’re into that kind of thing….. Then I guess you can be sad……I think
21. Receiving a phone call at 9PM is late
You don’t have the stamina to be up all night anymore. 9PM may as well be 3AM for the old.
22. Varicose Veins start appearing
I mean you can start getting gray hair, loose figure and what not, but varicose veins! NO! NO! NO! You don’t want that shit even when you’re 90.
23. ID is not quintessential
There comes a time when people just assume you are well above the legal age. It is a very sad day when this happens….
24. Being senile is no longer an act
Much like No.16. When you age you become ironic. Forgetful, confused and senile. It’s a great state to look forward to….. said no one ever.
25. Bedtime is earlier and waking up is earlier
Pretty self-explanatory I think.