Dating By Numbers

By Adele Ross.

I have found in recent years that there is actually a method to finding the right partner. If you know the type of person, male or female, to look for then you might have a shot at saving yourself from yet another unsuccessful relationship.

It all goes by the number ranking of the particular man or woman and if you know what ranking you realistically fall into, then finding the right partner should be as easy as a swipe to the left. This whole notion occurred to me after over analyzing the matter. I admit it took getting dumped and dumping alike to assess the persons in question and to find the right balance in categorizing the persons and making sure that I know both who to go for and who to avoid. This method of viewing makes it so much simpler, but you have to be honest with yourself.

Big egos cannot apply and over achievers should stay away. It’s a no-fly zone for unrealistic dreamers and a hazardous area for cynics. So without further ado, let’s look at the types:

There are 3 levels of men: Below 3’s, Moderate 5’s, and Above 8’s.


The Below 3

Usually the unattractive bully who sets his sights on an above 8 girl and because women are often needy we fall for it. This man will either mentally, physically or emotionally abuse you till you are no longer an 8, but a dirty 3 because he realizes he has found a gem and refuses to let go. These men are often crooks, ghetto and the fear of no one else protecting her will make her stay.

To please this creature, she might indulge in the odd gang bang and he will never marry her, but instead leave her with a day care full of his rotten, blundering fruit. Fruit straight from STD infested loins. The initial charm might not even stay long enough for the smoke from the meth pipe to die down so your best chances at a successful relationship with this dumpster superstar is likely to be as promising as your chances of getting a decent job after he knocks some of your teeth out.

Meth PipeSource:  meth.us.com

No amount of meth will fix this.

The body of his car will always be full of dents and scratches, and the music can be heard from another continent. His personal level of hygiene might be of the standard type, but as soon as he gets too comfortable, he’ll start forgetting to do certain things like combing his hair or clipping his fingernails. Your mother might have warned you about this man. Take note of the warning young lady. This death trap is inescapable and your fatal end is likely to make the news.

Look at the bright side, at least you’ll be famous.


The Moderate 5

They generally have mediocre jobs and relatively decent faces. This is the kind of man you settle for when your options are up and you are finally ready to accept yourself. He’s an honest man who has been dealt a bad hand of confidence and he might need you to through in a bit of ego stroking, but for the most part his in touch with his reality and doesn’t expect you be able to sing happy birthday through your asshole. They live for being needed so that their self-worth will always be boosted by your constant affections after they have paid your bills.

Guy paying billsSource:  hrdirectresponse.com

Please, love me!

This is the man your mother hopes you will settle for so make her proud and let this sweetheart work his magic. He’s a man and a child all in one, but an overall keeper if you can stand brief moments of boredom when he goes full geek on you. Yes, this is a smart man, an overachiever and a bread winner so you yourself can’t exactly be an idiot. Though looks might not always be top-notch he will fair well and serve his purpose. His main fear is to never become a below 3 and in the best case scenarios he might even strive to become an above 8 man.

Stay if you want to be with someone who loves to try and work things out together. Go if you’re a money monger only looking for arm candy. If you’re chasing a career this might not be for you. He might feel that combined with your beauty you are out ranking him and this might lead to rebellion. Choose wisely either way. No one wants to pick a fight with the smart guy.

The Above 8

The above 8 is the jock, the stallion, the Adonis of all his counterparts. His gloriously beautiful and thinks that what he lacks in bedroom skills can be made up for with a coke and smile. Don’t expect this man to go down on you because his need for self-satisfaction will always outweigh his need to satisfy you.

Awesome GuySource:  istapix.com

Yeah, I know I’m awesome, baby!

He’s a smooth talker and usually well kept and, even though, he’s not the brightest in the bunch, you’ll very likely overlook his ability to only count the six pack on his torso. Money follows him because he works hard to play hard, but don’t expect any fancy gifts. Being by your side is a gift enough and if he spoils you his more likely to brag about it on Facebook before you’ve even unwrapped your gift. In this case though if that happens, at least the gift will be so extravagant that you will feel compelled to keep mentioning his supposed great choices.

It’s not a given that this is going to happen, but best you practice your tear induced thank-you’s. There will be tears from time to time because you are always going to wonder if his with someone else when you are not around. He might occasionally post pics of the two of you together online, but then he will also post pics of women 10 times hotter than you so that the boys know he hasn’t completely left the game.

Couple SelfieSource:  manypreferences.tumblr.com

I still got it, guys!

If you are lucky enough to get the kind of above 8 that sees you as the game changer, prepare yourself for always doubting yourself. You might have made him want to give up his philandering ways, but other women will always be tempted to openly flirt with him in a bid to drag him out and you’ll always wonder if you are going to be enough to make him stay. He is likely to have an awesome job, a great ride and the dress sense of a gay man, but his a narcissistic ass who thinks no woman is good enough for him therefore, they will all bow down and obey.

He dates above his own league and beware if you leave him for anything other than an above 9. You will forever be haunted by your drop in standard and sadly your current better half will suffer from constant mental comparisons. Nothing and no one will compare once this man slips away and years of therapy might not even erase your constant willingness to have him come all over your face.

Prepare to be degraded, prepare to be judged, but, for the most part, prepare for revenge because when he’s done with you, revenge is all you will want. So with this heads up it might be easy to spot the ideal man from a distance, but he might not come in exactly the same package as above stated. These are only guidelines to help you spot them sooner rather than later.

The bottom line will always be the exact same and the end result will always be a means to an end, but for those who truly love it might be the road to recovery from a string of bad luck and too many nights watching Sex and the City reruns. Dating by numbers is the key statement here, it’s a numbers game. So take your time and suss them out. But whatever you do, do not settle.

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